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Books'n'Stuff by Ray Holland
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What I’ve Been Reading

I’ve been working more Bizarro books into my reading list recently (something I would recommend for anyone who’s feeling the need for some unconventional reading material). Here’s my review of You Morbid Westphal by Rev. Steven Rage, as posted on Amazon:

This is a short book; you could read it in a single sitting, as I did–twice. Even so, Reverend Rage somehow manages to give us a story that has the scope of a full-blown novel without skimping anywhere. It’s fascinating, scary, out-and-out repulsive at times, and even amusing in a few places. (I love Sammy, the crusty old ghost-dad who lives with Westphal.)

The book tells an intricate story, dark and gritty and bizarre–I don’t know if Rage claims them as influences, but it makes me think of Chuck Palahniuk and Philip K. Dick collaborating on a horror novel–set in a world of drug dealers, prostitutes, porn producers and otherworldly beings. This world, as well as the story, is well-realized and full of the kind of detail that makes it feel authentic. Everything is extremely vivid.

Westphal, the central character, is a drug-addicted loser who’s just one screw-up away from losing his job at a hospital, and who finds he’s gotten in over his head with his drug dealer. In fact, I would imagine most of us know, or have known, at least one Westphal in real life. There’s much more to it than that, but talking more about the various threads and themes in the story would be running the risk of giving away spoilers.

Suffice to say it’s a story full of imagination and weirdness, a story that invites you to give a little thought to what it takes to maintain some control over your life, and to take a look at your capacity for good and evil.

’nuff said…

Phones are the bane of my life. Alexander damn Graham Bell, I’d shoot him.
–Keith Richards

Meta-Reality Crossover Conversations #1

Welcome to Meta-Reality Crossover Conversations, a series in which characters from different books interview one another. In this, the initial installment of the series, John Plow from Open Stage interviews the Mayor’s Daughter from The Hermit.

John’s introductory comments: I met the Mayor’s Daughter at Olive’s Coffee Shop on a bright, Saturday afternoon when I could have been putting my time to better use hanging out with my buddy Gilbert and drinking beer. Now, I’ll admit that I might have made a bad impression by showing up an hour and a half late, but I was channel surfing and found Scarface. So I had to ride it out. Right? Say hello to my little friend. Anyway, when I showed up, she was sitting there reading a magazine, so, like, you know, it’s not as if she was just sitting there bored out of her skull. Right? She seemed on edge about it for some reason, but she was polite. Well, at least at first.

JP: Well, hello there. I’m pleased to meet you.

MD: Hi. I’m pleased to meet you, too.

JP: No. What I’m saying is, I’m really pleased to meet you.

MD: Uh,  well . . . all right. What would you like to ask me?

JP: [impatient sigh] For starters, what are you doing later tonight?

MD: Okay, look. I’m sure you’re a nice guy and all, but I think we should just stick to business.

JP: Is it because I was late?

MD: It seems to me you should have had plenty of time to find a better shirt to wear than “FBI: Female Body Inspector.”

JP: You don’t like the shirt?

MD: Let’s just get on with the interview.

JP: I think we could conduct a better interview at my place, with soft music and a bottle of wine.

MD: I understand that I have something of a reputation, but really, I’m not  desperate to bed down with any goofball who happens to come along.

JP: Okay, I see how it is. I’ll be on my way. I’ll go home and make something up and send it to Ray.

MD: Whatever.

Editor’s comments: At this point, John notes that he doesn’t really need to make anything up because a verbatim transcript of what they actually said will show him to be charming and lovable, and her to be contrary and uncooperative. He then went on a four-paragraph rant about how he could score dozens of hotter babes with better attitudes just by spending fifteen minutes calling random phone numbers. But I’ll spare you that.

Join us next time, when Maxwell from Open Stage interviews the Neuralgia Sisters from Goliath.

Bob’s Brother

I have, sitting on my hard drive, several drafts of a novel called North Star. It’s a story about the same character we see in the published novel Open Stage–Gilbert Ragwater. In North Star, a young fella shows up at Ragwater’s door in the middle of the night and asks Ragwater to teach him the meaning of life. I wrote the first draft before any of the novels you see promoted on this website, and I’ve returned to it periodically. But for some reason I can’t get it to work right. Nor can I let go of the idea. So it sits in an ever-changing sort of limbo.

Here’s an except from North Star. It’s a portion of a scene in which Ragwater tells the young man a story, a sort of parable if you want to call it that. It’s not a verbatim copy-and-paste, though. In the novel, the story is told in dialog, with a lot of give-and-take between Ragwater and Calvin (the young fella). I’ve reworked it here as a “standard” third-person narrative so it’ll stand on its own better:

Once upon a time there was a boy named Bob. Bob was a very bright kid, an overachiever, you might say. Straight-A student. Star athlete. Talented artist. Popular at school. The whole package. He was the kind of kid you want to hate because he has it all and knows exactly what to do with it, but when you get to know him, you can’t hate him.

Needless to say, Bob’s parents were very proud of him. They were proud of him every time he made the honor role. They were proud of him when he landed the starring role in the school play. They were proud of him when he threw four touchdown passes in one game. They were immensely proud of him that time he rescued a baby from a burning building. Who wouldn’t be?

Now, when Bob was a senior in high school, his parents had another baby. By this time Bob had already racked up a long string of impressive accomplishments, and he had done it with a combination of brains, hard work, charm . . . all those good attributes everyone hopes their kids will have.

So this new baby was a boy, and Bob’s parents named him Bob’s Brother. They felt—horribly misguided but sincere nonetheless—that the new kid couldn’t possibly live up to Bob’s unbelievably high standards. They thought they were helping the kid, that giving him a name like Bob’s Brother would reflect some of Bob’s glory onto the younger one.

But of course it didn’t work they way they expected. Bob’s Brother grew up feeling unimportant. He felt that his only reason for being was to be a brother for Bob. As far as he could tell, he was just one more thing that Bob had: Bob had Bob’s room, Bob’s car, Bob’s clothes, Bob’s CD collection, and so on. Bob had all of Bob’s wonderful accomplishments and the expectation of many more in the future. And he had Bob’s Brother.

His parents didn’t realize the effect his name was having on poor little Bob’s Brother. All through his childhood, they kept encouraging him. ‘You can do this, you can do that,’ they told him, trying to get him to audition for plays or try out for sports teams, or trying to help with difficult homework, or whatever. They wanted him to do well. They wanted him to be his own person and make his own mark in the world, but with a name like Bob’s Brother, how could he? As far as he was concerned, the only identity he had was in reference to his brother.

He wasn’t a whole person.

He grew up sullen and withdrawn. He was resentful. His parents thought it was just a typical case of teenage angst. But eventually, they found out different. One year, Bob came home for Christmas. He was a highly successful entrepreneur in a half-dozen different industries, and he flew one of his four private jets in from Paris, where he had one of his seven houses—no, mansions—scattered about the globe, in Paris, Amsterdam, San Francisco, Sao Paulo, Tokyo, Auckland and Honolulu. Yes, life was sweet for him, and his parents welcomed him gushing with love and adoration. And Bob’s Brother faked his best artificial smile and pretended he was happy as the family went out to dinner and listened to the stories of Bob’s many, many exploits and adventures.

And that night, Bob’s Brother stayed up until everyone else was asleep. He found an old butter knife in the kitchen and killed his parents in their bed. Then he went down the hall and killed Bob. He finished off by carving the words “Bob’s Brother’s Brother” in Bob’s chest.

What I’ve Been Reading

You might not think so if you read my books, but I love a good crime novel. Elmore Leonard and I go way back. I wish I could write one or two crime novels myself, but my brain just can’t manage to produce anything like that. Oh, well.

Okay, so I had heard about Carl Hiaasen for a long time, but for some reason had never gotten around to checking him out until recently. A couple weeks ago I found a copy of Skin Tight at Half-Price Books and grabbed it.

Delightful stuff. Hiaasen gives us a good, engaging story with a gallery of colorful characters, including a freakishly tall hit man with complexion problems, an incompetent plastic surgeon, an ambulance-chasing lawyer, a boorish television reporter, and more, much more. The story’s well-constructed and well-written, and it’s funny in all the right places and for all the right reasons. I’ll be going back for more.

Video!

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to one of the most awesome drummers ever to set foot onstage, Mr. Steve Moore.

Site Renovation

So here I am, revamping the web site, replacing all the stuff I had here before with a WordPress blog. Greatbigdog.com was previously a “static site” that I would update occasionally, and the Great Big Dog Blog was a separate site at WordPress.

Enough of that. Now, it’s just one site and one site only. And I figure if the blog itself is what I have on the site, I’ll be more motivated to post new stuff more frequently. Well, let’s see how it goes…

Oh, and I would also like to thank the great folks in tech support at Hostgator for their able assistance with a couple slight technical issues that arose when I installed the WordPress software.